More Humor Stolen from others

Why we love children…

 

 

ON NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a

woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked!

As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 4-year-old shout from the back seat,

“Mom, that lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!”

 

 

ON OPINIONS

 

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.

The note read, “The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his

parents.”

 

 

ON KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle,

the phone rang, so she asked her 5-year-old daughter to answer the phone.

“Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk right now.  She’s hitting the bottle.”

 

MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YWCA, and found himself in the women’s locker room.

When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels

and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement, and then asked,

“What’s the matter? Haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?”
 

 

ON THE POLICE, # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted

by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked,

“Are you a cop?” “Yes,” I answered, and continued writing the report. “My mother

said if I ever needed help, I should ask the police. Is that right?” “Yes, that’s right,”

I told her. “Well, then,” she said, as she extended her foot toward me, “would you

please tie my shoe?”
 

 

ON THE  POLICE, #2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.

As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a

little boy staring in at me. “Is that a dog you got back there?” he asked.
“It sure is,” I replied.  Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back

of the van. Finally, he said, “What’d he do?”
 

 

ON THE ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used

to take my 7-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly

intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and

wheelchairs. One day, I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.

As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned, and

whispered, “The tooth fairy will never believe this!”

 

 

ON DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for an elegant party. When she saw her

dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, “Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.”
“And why not, sweetheart?”
“You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.”

 

 

ON DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the

intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old

son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should

be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole,

and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers, and with sonorous

dignity, intoned his version of what he thought his father always said:  “Glory be

unto the Father, and unto the Son, and into the hole he goes.”

         (I want this line used at my funeral!)

 

 

ON SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. “I’m just wasting my time,”

she said to her mother. “I can’t read, I can’t write, and they won’t even let me talk!”

 

 

 

ON THE BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the yellowed

pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object, and looked at it. What

he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
“Mama, look what I found,” the boy called out.
“What have you got there, dear?”
With astonishment in his voice, the young boy answered, “I think it’s Adam’s underwear!”

NOW, IF THIS DIDN’T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT!

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