Jokes

This should be sent only to those whose level of maturity qualifies them to relate to it:

1962: Long hair
2012
: Longing for hair

1962: KEG
2012
: EKG

1962: Acid rock
2012
: Acid reflux

1962: Moving to California because it’s cool
2012
: Moving to Arizona because it’s warm

1962: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2012
: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

1962: Seeds and stems
2012
: Roughage

1962: Hoping for a BMW
2012
: Hoping for a BM

1962: Going to a new, hip joint
2012
: Receiving a new hip joint

1962: Rolling Stones
2012
: Kidney Stones

1962: Screw the system
2012
: Upgrade the system

1972: Disco
2012
: Costco

1962: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2012
: Children begging you to get their heads shaved

1962: Passing the drivers’ test
2012
: Passing the vision test

1962: Whatever
2012
: Depends

Just in case you weren’t feeling too old today, this will certainly change things. Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the Mindset of this year’s incoming freshmen. Here’s this year’s list:

The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1993.

They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.

Their lifetime has always included AIDS.

Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.

The CD was introduced 2 years before they were born.

They have always had an answering machine..

They have always had cable.

They cannot fathom not having a remote control..
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.

Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.

They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.

They can’t imagine what hard contact lenses are.

They don’t know who Mork was or where he was from.

They never heard: “Where’s the Beef?”, “I’d walk a mile for a Camel”, or “de plane, Boss, de plane..”

They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.

Mc Donald’s never came in Styrofoam containers.

They don’t have a clue how to use a typewriter.

Do you feel old yet? Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list. Notice the larger type, that’s for those of you who have trouble reading..

So have a nice day!!!!! It is good to have friends who know about these things and are still alive and kicking!!!!

 

 

WELFARE CHECK. . .

A young man walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marched up to the counter and said, “Hi. You know, I just HATE

Drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job. I don’t like taking

Advantage of the system, getting something for nothing.”

The social worker behind the counter said. . . “Your timing is

Excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who

Wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You’ll

Have to drive around in his 2012 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply

All of your clothes.”

“Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You’ll also be

Expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is

Rather awkward to say, but you will also have, as part of your job,

The assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her

Mid-20’s and has a rather strong sex drive.”

The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, “You’re bullshittin’ me!”

The social worker said, “Yeah, well… You started it.”

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