Another year older!

Tuesday was my birthday, I turned 55 and what do I have to show for it, not a god damned thing! After looking back on my 55 years,  I have come to realize that i haven’t achieved anything worthwhile. 

I can’t keep a job, I have so many medical and mental conditions that it is a chore to get out of bed. I don’t own a home, a car or anything of value. SSDI doesn’t pay enough to keep up paying rent, utilities, medical expenses, food and other essentials. The only positive thing that I have helped to contribute to the human race,  are my son and daughter.

My existance on this Earth has not helped it in any way. All I have done in my life is ruin others lives. When my time ends on this earth, it will be better for it!

Homeless Again

Well,  apparently I’m a complete idiot or I have serious mental issues.  I can’t change my pattern!  I have made this happen numerous times since 1983. Sometimes it could not be avoided due to job or benefit loss. Other times I can’t explain, I am not even sure what happened.

Also, I’m done dealing with my COPD and other medical conditions. I just want the end to come soon. The world will be a better place when I’m gone!

I have a real problem!

Whenever I get nervous and start to get anxiety,  I lie! I know I do but just can’t stop. My lies hurt others more than they hurt me.  I lie so much anymore, I’m not sure what is fact or fiction. My lies have caused my family so much hardship and pain.

Why do I keep doing this? I need help.

Because of my lies, my family has no idea how much trouble we are in.

If there’s a higher power,  Please help my family!  I don’t care about me,  just them!

No one wants to help

Why is it that when you find yourself in a bad situation, no one wants to help? Whether it be financial, mental, medical, no agency will help you for more than a short period of time. Why is it, when the trouble is caused by an error the US government made that caused a domino effect, everyone tells you that they can’t help you.
I don’t have any family that could help so I have to reach out to aid agencies that just tell me, Since it is a problem with Social Security and it happened more than 60 days ago, we can’t help.
Now, not only do we have the threat of financial ruin, but all of our mental states are collapsing. All the Citalopram in the world is not helping.